Are Power Struggles Ruining Your Relationship? By Nicole Yorio
http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlerb.aspx?cp-documentid=22024559>1=32023
This article caught my eye this afternoon while my daughter was napping and I can't help but write about it now. In a nutshell, it is about how "You (the woman) plan the vacations, call the plumber, get a gift for your mother-in-law's birthday, and bring in the car for repairs. His idea of helping: staying out of your way. This unbalanced picture can leave you both feeling resentful. Here, how to break up the pattern." Well, thank God there is someone out there that cares enough to help you fix your lazy husband! Just kidding-the article is about how YOU are the one to blame!!!
My problem with this is the fact that no woman should be to blame for being a "superior wife" suffering from "superior wife syndrome." Apparently if you take on most of the responsibility in your household then you are not only to blame for having that responsibility, but you are also responsible for any feelings of resentment you may have, any issues in the bedroom you may have, and the unfulfillment that you or your husband may feel in the relationship. Not to mention, for the majority of us control sucking wives it didn't start that way, WE made it that way. Well, if that doesn't make unhappy women want to jump of a flippin' bridge, I don't know what would?! If you are unhappily doing all of the chores in your house, taking care of the finances, scheduling the appointments, planning the vacations, changing the diapers, and doing all of the cleaning, apparently you should bend over and kick yourself right in your own a-- for it! This article even goes on to describe how you should go about babying your husband back into participating in the family responsibilities. You should hold his hand through the process, apparently, so that he is eased into it and still feels good about himself as he starts to take on some of the work.
Well, can I say, I'm not about to wipe any man's a--! If a man in my life were this much of a piece of garbage, I'd leave. If he can't step up and take care of business, he doesn't belong in MY bedroom, that's for sure! What a joke. No REAL man just sits back and watches his wife do all of the work, and if he does he probably does have problems in the S-E-X department because no REAL woman wants to crawl in bed with that! My advice, tell him "Step up and get the job done or don't let the door hit you on the way out!" You are only to blame if you sit and put up with a lazy spouse. If a woman walks around complaining and unhappy because she does all of the work, then fine, she's an idiot, but there are two people in a marriage and I don't agree with the idea that it is a woman's fault for taking care of business. That doesn't mean that a man should stop helping all together, it doesn't mean he should opt out of family responsibilities, and he definitely should not take it as a cue to sit back and relax. If your woman does all the work, do you know what that makes you? I try to keep this decent so I wont even use that word, but I bet you all know what I want to say, and it starts with a "p." Man UP!
Every relationship should have a balance, that much is true. You have to share the responsibilities in order to respect each other. I can't argue that a relationship would suffer under the conditions described in this article, but instead of telling a woman to further take charge by training her husband like a dog with instructions and rewards, I recommend taking a look at how much he respects you. If a man respects a woman, he will do those things without you requesting them, without a honey-do list, and without bribing him with sex.
A woman in this situation doesn't need to give up control, she needs to find a man equal to her, and ditch the one she's with! It sounds to me, like the woman who wrote this article needed to compliment herself and her problem by making an excuse. Her excuse is that women are better at multi-tasking, and they are more efficient. It doesn't make sense to me that she compliments our gender and then goes on to say that some women are just power hungry, and according to the psychologist, Carin Reubenstein, she quoted in her article, "women get a thrill from being so indispensable." If the only thrill you're getting in your relationship is from feeling like your partner couldn't live without your cooking, cleaning, and organizational skills, that isn't love, move the hell out! You can do better; you're not his mother, you're his wife, and it is not up to you to train him!
Amen Sister!
ReplyDeleteI watched this episode on Oprah that delt with women who were having trouble in the bedroom. The discussed the fact that some of these women treated their husbands like children, so when it came to the bedroom they didn't respect their husbands and therefore weren't exited to do the "duty".
So the solution was to have the couple go out on a date and the man got to do everything. I mean pick out the woman's clothes, how she would do her hair, where they ate, what they did, etc. in order to force them to give up control and begin to see their husbands in a new "manlier" role.
Well, I don't know about you, but once I know I have control, I don't, or can't, let go. There is probably no way that I could begin to respect my husband after he has already let me treat him like a child. Although, I hope it worked for those ladies because I think that would be a miserable relationship to have.
I hear ya. If I wanted to be in a relationship with a woman, I would be, but I like my man with a big, brass set of...confidence!
ReplyDelete